Megatron vs the Internet
by BBailey
Summary: It looks like the Decepticons are having a little fun with the internet behind Megatron's back! don't forget to review!


I don't own Transformers or anything associated with them!

Megatron sat working diligently at his computer, frustrated when the screen went black, his data base crashing once again.

"Slag!" he growled, slamming his fist into the keyboard. "Not again!"

Pressing down the button to his intercom system, he called for Soundwave.

Within a few minutes Soundwave was promptly standing in the doorframe.

"You sent for me, Megatron?" he vibrated.

"Do something with this computer! This is the third time it's crashed on me."

Soundwave took a seat and typed furiously, his fingers flying across the keyboard, until at last, he eased back from the desk.

"Megatron, your computer will not falter with reoccurring registry errors if you delete some of the useless data stored in your computer system." Soundwave replied in monotone.

"Nothing in my computer is useless!" he said, stunned that the blue Decepticon would even suggest such a notion. "Nothing, do you hear?"

"What about Myspace? Is that truly needed?" he asked.

"Myspace, what is that?" Megatron asked, drawing closer, his face plates pinched in puzzlement. "I don't recall using any such thing on my computer."

"What about this yahoo mail? Are you using that to email Optimus Prime threats?" Soundwave asked, pointing to the screen with the 'yahoo' logo.

"Email, don't be absurd." He barked, yet looking at the screen, someone had truly downloaded yahoo on it.

"Perhaps the other Decepticons are using such downloads on their own systems, thus affecting yours in the process." Soundwave suggested.

"Who is using this yahoo? Can you tell from here?" Megatron asked, curious.

"At once, Megatron." He vibrated, typing frantically on the keys.

Within seconds an email came up.

Megatron leaned in and read it. It was email between his three seekers, Thundercracker, Skywarp and his second in command, Starscream.

It read:

_Thundercracker, _

_Megatron wants us to meet tomorrow morning at the Blue Hills Reservoir; he believes the generators there will produce enough electricity to make energon cubes…..Starscream _

Thundercracker emailed back:

_Starscream,_

_Are you kidding? Megs said that about Sherman dam and look what a waste of time that was…..Thundercracker_

Starscream to Thundercracker:

_I know, I know! Can I help it that Megatron sends us on these damn retarded missions? Just humor him and pretend like you think he's correct for once!_

Skywarp to Starscream and Thundercracker:

_I don't know about you guys, but I'm beginning to think our mighty leader is going a little soft in the head._

Starscream to Thundercracker and Skywarp:

_Ha, you mean you just now noticed that?_

"How dare they write that about me?" Megatron growled, his hands clenched into tight fists! "Wait until I get my hands on those good-for-nothing seekers!"

"There is more, Megatron." Soundwave replied, pointing at the screen.

Megatron gazed at the screen, kneading his chin plates.

The website was eBay and someone was selling energon cubes.

"What the slag?" Megatron cried his optics wide. "Who is selling my precious energon cubes?"

"We shall see." Soundwave broke the security code and discovered the culprit.

"Blitzwing?" he gasped.

"It appears he is auctioning off your energon cubes to the Go-bots." Soundwave replied.

"The Go-bots! They're nothing more than Transformer posers." Megatron groused.

"It looks as if the Go-bots are buying the energon cubes and then calling them Go-gon cubes and then Blitzwing is purchasing them with the belief that he is buying a new product."

"You've got to be kidding? Blitzwing is being duped by a lowly Go-bot? That is pathetic!"

"I am afraid so." Soundwave said with a metallic sigh.

"It looks as if he has not learned a thing from all of those consumer economic classes I taught him. Slag, what a waste of time that was."

"There is more, Megatron."

Megatron looked up as the screen flashed to a gambling website, a Decepticon now online wracking up a two hundred and forty-five thousand dollar debt.

"Astrotrain! I thought he told me he took care of his little gambling addiction." Megatron murmured heatedly. "Well, apparently he didn't."

Angrily slamming his fist down, Megatron watched as the screen fluttered a few times before halting on another website.

It was a "Gay-Connection" website; someone placed an ad under the "Male Decepticons seeking Male Decepticons".

Wrinkling his face plates, Megatron zoomed in closer and then frowned when he saw the login name was…Soundwave.

"Soundwave?" Megatron frowned, glaring down at him with burning optics.

Soundwave did nothing more than lower his head in shame. "Ummm." He vibrated low.

"If you're looking for a date, do it on your own time!" Megatron roared.

After a long and strenuous silence, Soundwave blurted out. "Would you like for me to delete these downloads, Megatron?"

"No, just leave me." He grumbled, pulling out a chair and seating himself in front of the computer. "I'll take care of it, myself."

Waiting until Soundwave had left and then cracking his metal knuckles, Megatron first sent an instant message to Astrotrain, via AIM.

Megatron: Astrotrain, this is Megatron, I would like to know how you intend to pay off your gambling debt?

Astrotrain: What gambling debt? I gave up gambling.

Megatron: Indeed, so you don't owe the humans five hundred and forty thousand dollars?

Astrotrain: What? That debt was for two hundred and forty five thousand, not some five hundred thousand!

Megatron: Oh, so you DO remember that debt?

Astrotrain: …yes

Megatron: You're checking in to the Cybertron rehabilitation center for addicts, do you hear…er read?

Astrotrain: …yes

Megatron: and then after you have completed your rehabilitation program you will promptly return to Dark mount so that I may fire you, is that clear?

Astrotrain: …yes

With a nod of satisfaction, Megatron then sent an IM to Blitzwing.

Megatron: Are you selling energon cubes over the internet?

Blitzwing: no

Megatron: do you know what a Go-gon cube is?

Blitzwing: …no, but I hear they're the latest in the source for new energy.

Megatron: No, they're energon cubes that Go-bots are reselling to idiots like you.

Blitzwing: …oh

Megatron: If I hear so much about even a smidgen of one corner of an energon cube being sold ever again, I will personally press your lowly body into a cube and sell you to those damnable Go-bots as a stupidity-cube. Do I make myself clear?

Blitzwing: …very

Glad to make his point clear and feeling victorious because of it, Megatron then zeroed in on Soundwave.

"Megatron: Is this Soundwave?

Soundwave: Is this Mixmaster? I have been waiting for your call, my lover.

Megatron: No, this is Megatron

Soundwave: …this is…Starscream

Megatron: Nice try. I thought I told you to get a date on your own time?

Soundwave: I am off the employment clock at this time and juncture.

Megatron: Oh, well then carry on.

Unnerved about that problem, feeling the need to sweep it under the rug and pretend he didn't know about it, Megatron sent an IM to Starscream.

Megatron: Starscream, honestly, how do you feel about my little idea of attacking Blue Hill reservoir?

Starscream: It is a wonderful idea. It never ceases to amaze me how you can come up with such brilliant ideas.

Megatron: Really? Then you don't think the idea is, I don't know…damned retarded?

Starscream: …no, of course not.

Megatron; you're not trying to humor me now, are you?

Starscream: …why no (types after a few minutes pause) why would you ask such a thing?

Megatron: cut the slag, I'm on to you. I know what you've been saying about me and frankly I'm appalled.

Starscream: are you coming on to me?

Megatron: don't be ridiculous.

Starscream: good

Megatron: (after his own few second pause) why are you acting so glad about it?

Starscream: I'm not

Megatron: Good

Starscream: why are you acting so glad about it?

Megatron: Glad about what?

Starscream: glad about coming on to me

Megatron: I'm not glad about coming on to you.

Starscream: Then you WERE coming on to me.

Megatron: Don't flatter yourself, you're appalling.

Starscream: I thought you were appalled.

Megatron: I am, you don't know half of what I've seen going on with this computer.

Starscream: Like?

Megatron: Astrotrain is gambling again and Blitzwing is selling energon cubes to the Go-bots.  
Starscream: Are you serious? He said he was buying you a whole new source of energy called a Go-gon cube.

Megatron: Go-gon cubes are energon cubes the Go-bots resold to that slag of a simpleton, Blitzwing.

Starscream: What an idiot

Megatron: I know and then I find out that Soundwave has been combing the Gay personals for a recharging unit partner right under my own nose plate. Can't he keep his robotic hormones under control?

Starscream: unlikely.

Megatron: What are you doing right now?

Starscream: I am updating my friends list on Myspace

Megatron: I'm still number one on that list, aren't I?

Starscream: yep

Megatron: good, then carry on.


End file.
